Party Time!!

I can’t say enough about the endless irritation of housekeeping. Sparing you the gory details, let it suffice to say that it feels nearly impossible to keep the house picked up. Any victory in this department merits a stopping of the world and a very extravagant party. Given that the holidays are upon us, perhaps this blog can suffice... And for those of you who have already figured the following out, I apologize for laboring this issue that may seem obvious to you. For those of you who are in our boat and could use any bit of help, pull out your party hats, cuz here I go...

Our typical routine in picking up the house is that everyone gets their junk, brings it to their respective rooms and then cleans their rooms. If we are feeling extra ambitious then we split up chores according to tasks. For example, Jossi will dust, Jillian will vacuum, Jeff will work on laundry, and I’ll do the dishes. Well, this weekend, the house had become a hazard of sorts and we had to face the music. Ugh! Dreading the usual routine (Kid’s fighting over who got what out, parents discovering children doing anything but picking up their stuff, and a 45-minute task taking three hours), I had a stroke of genius. Or probably more rightly, a gracious whisper from God. Either way, I heard myself announce, “We are cleaning the house but we are going to do things a little differently!” I proceeded to instruct each child to adopt a room for which they were responsible for everything in that room (picking up, dusting, vacuuming, etc). We proceeded to clean our respective areas and the results were nothing short of spectacular. I couldn’t believe how much better this worked. No arguing over who played with what. No sneaking below the radar. Each child (and person for that matter) had a very clearly delineated task. It worked from a developmental perspective because it was fairly straight-forward. No sorting through what’s mine and what’s yours, missing ½ of what’s mine as a result. It worked from a character perspective. Rather than take care of our own messes, we each served the family in a different way. In fact after everyone had completed their jobs, we toured the home, showcasing each person’s work, and affirmed each person for what we appreciated about the work that was done. Providing each child with a domain of responsibility yielded another surprising result. They took such pride in their chore that each child elected to do additional work. For example, one child decided that it would look nicer if the blinds were dusted and the other child decided that not only should the bathroom mirror be cleaned but the window, as well!

Now I do realize that the bit about cleaning house in a novel way may have added a little extra energy to the process, but I have to say, I’m still hanging on to the potential of some lasting benefits to this new strategy. If you haven’t tried this out, I encourage you to give it a whirl. Just pick a discrete, age-appropriate task for each child, and see how it goes. And, as far as the Verners are concerned, for the gracious little whisper that helped us out with a challenging issue, we offer a heart-felt word of gratitude!!

Disaster Averted!

I am writing to report a small victory from the trenches of family life. I’ll start out by confessing that it hasn’t exactly been smooth sailing in the parenting department. Over-full schedules seem to have blown up in our faces sending shrapnel of hyper-emotionality, short fuses, and exhaustion. My hope is that you have no idea of what I’m talking about, though, if you are a parent, I fear you may.

When things are extra crazy at our house, it is in these moments that I am grateful for tricks of the parenting trade. Those little tried and true strategies that can defuse an escalating situation and spare us all THE DRAMA! Well, this morning, we successfully circumvented a problem and I was reminded of how much I love a particular trick. It involves use of the imagination and I believe I ran across it in a book on emotion coaching by John Gottman. This trick is particularly useful when your child wants something that they cannot have. It’s referred to as giving your kids their wish in imagination and it allows you to align with your child, convey understanding, and ultimately, to stand your ground. When used with humor, it can be extra effective.

This morning, we encountered yet another snag. Early morning fatigue turned the “my jeans are too short” mole hill into a mountain of tears. I’m just as tired as my kids are these days, so my own coping skills are rather depleted. Consider that, much to my own horror, our 2-year-old mimicked us the other day by screaming at his sister, “Stop crying!” I know. Pathetic! Anyways, I found myself encountering yet another challenging situation marked by high emotions, and I remembered the trick. Instead, of my never effective “suck it up” speech, I offered the following: “Wow. I know you would like to have some longer jeans in your drawer. You know what I wish?” (This is the part where I mustered up some animation to my presentation… An early morning miracle and evidence that there is a God!) “ I wish I had a magic wand. And if I did, I would wave it and POOF! You’d have a brand-new pair of jeans sitting in your hands. Super cute, super long, exactly what you want. Then, I’d go ahead and wave the wand again. BAM! Then you would have a beautiful, soft, cuddly, brand-new long-sleeve shirt in your hands, as well. Then, just for flair, I’d clap, just like this, CLAP! CLAP!, and all the tags and stickers would fall off to the floor so that it would be perfectly ready for you to put it on.” Both girls began to laugh and offer their own thoughts and wishes. I looked at my daughter whose face beamed with the look of feeling understood, and I knew that she was ready to move on to problem-solving. I concluded, “But alas, honey. I don’t have a magic wand. What do you think you can wear instead?” Disaster averted!