Slow Together is Better Than Fast Alone

I was listening to a CD today which mentioned Thorndike’s Law of Effect. Thorndike’s initial law stated that people will repeat behavior when it is followed by pleasurable consequences and that people will discontinue behavior that is followed by negative consequences. The CD stated that Thorndike eventually dropped the second part of his stated law because he found that while people might temporarily suspend behaviors that are followed by negative consequences, the cessation of these behaviors is not permanent. The conclusion was that punishment suppresses behavior but does not eliminate it altogether.
Obviously, as one who thinks often about parenting, I reflected on this brief comment in light of my own strategies with my kids. While I think punishment can be sufficient for those behaviors that we are happy to temporarily suppress, it cannot be the bread and butter of our parenting strategies. Beyond temporarily suppressing unwanted behaviors, I clearly want so much more for my kids. I guess this requires that I get a bit more creative. While grounding, time-outs, and loss of privileges may be simple and straight-forward strategies, they are insufficient to shape the heart of a child. Recognizing the limitations of punishment reminds me to be thoughtful when I confront my kids’ misbehavior. Especially in the heat of the moment when I am tempted to use a display of anger as a way to curb unwanted behaviors, Thorndike’s observations remind me to ask myself, “How far will my reaction really get me?”